A Carbon Bootprint on Your Behind

Our pal Max over at Bio Kustumz posted a video and question about eco-friendly cars today on his Facebook page, inquiring as to just why they're all so damned ugly... This naturally spurred me to dig out an old piece I drew up for a Super Chevy Tri-Five special a couple of years ago. Yeah, it'd be pricey... and certainly not for the non-techie rodders, but a sampling of the technology would blow the roof off of the SEMA Show, and lay waste to those homely hipster movers and Blade Runner refugees that car makers think we want. Hell, work some tuning magic and build a 1-G, 10-second, 30 MPG boulevard bruiser using off-the-shelf parts... NOW!!

Growing up, the first magazine I had a subscription to was Super Chevy, and it fueled many a dream car in my imagination, most notably tri-fives! Obviously, I’m stoked to share my vision of an alternate take on the Projext X theme (which, ironically, is the cover car!) with some very modern and traditional ideas thrown in for some ’56 Chevy stew...

What I have is a take on a Project X-like ride…. After seeing so many G-Machines in the dream Car pages of different magazines, I thought “how about the kind of car that got most of us into this in the first place…. a bad street machine?”

Let’s REALLY play up the “Dream Car” aspect, and use some emerging and existing technology to create a technological wonder. Our fictional 1956 Chevy 2-door sedan will be named “Project W”. It’ll run a 409-based W-block, all aluminum, blown and injected, running E-85. The idea is an environmentally-friendly, rocket-like street machine with killer looks.

The techno-fun kicks in with a CVT (Continuous Variable Transmission), which’ll keep us right in the powerband, in a state of almost constant acceleration. Off the line, we’ll be assisted by a pair of electric wheel hub motors, which’ll provide some extra torque off the line, and re-charge on braking.

Retro touches, certainly… it’s a nod to the Project X, but a very modern, extremely engineered piece… Sitting on a full tube frame, the body is angle-channelled over the rails to exaggerate the rake, and runs full modern suspension. The look here is a drag strip refugee bred with an evil street car from the ’60′s, with pure attitude oozing from every pore. Removing the front bumper, pan and lower grille bar allows extreme lowering, and we’ll even knock out the vertical grille bars, just for kicks.

A light shave eliminates handles, locks and badging, and Carbon fiber doors have lost the vent windows, and a carbon fiber hood and deck lid keep the lightweight theme in check. Bright yellow paint hints at the Project X-like heritage, while the black two-tone shows that this eco-friendly bruiser has a darker side.

Chris Alston’s Chassisworks Varishock system up front, Eliminator 4-Link out back, with one of their Fab-9 housings swinging away. Big brakes are a must, and we’ll powder coat any exposed parts black to keep everything stealthy. behind the Billet Specialties custom-sized wheels. Why different fronts and rears? A nod to the gasser days, grasshopper. We’ll set this thing on some meaty M/T rollers out back, as we’ll need as much traction as we can find.

A full interior is a must, with power NOTHING… hey, this is a street machine first and foremost. Buckets, a floor shifter, and full gauges are all you need. We’ll keep the front windows operational, should any passengers get whiny and need “air”.

The spec sheet:

Chassis/Driveline:

All-aluminum 409 W-block based, blown and injected, running E-85

Toroidal Continuous Variable Transmission (CVT)

(not only can we launch and stay right in the optimal powerband, but “shifts” would be imperceptible, there’s almost no power loss, and we gain fuel efficiency!)

Chris Alston’s Chassisworks FAB9 rear end

Each rear wheel is fitted with a regenerative braking electric wheel hub motor

(approx output is 100Kw, or about 100 HP per wheel)

Chris Alston’s Chassisworks Eliminator 4-Link

Wilwood 6-piston front calipers and 14″ rotors, rear braking via wheel hub motors

Chris Alston’s Chassisworks VariShock ShockWave’s, 4×2 A-Arm crossmember

Billet Specialties Altered front wheels (19″ one-off’s), and one-off Apex-G’s out back (20″) for a retro gasser look, on Mickey Thompson Sportsman S/R tires.

Exterior:

Shaved emblems, handles and locks,

Front bumper, pan, vertical and lower grille bars removed

Carbon fiber hood, front fenders, doors and deck lid

PPG yellow pearl and black two-tone

Vent windows removed

Interior:

Lightweight materials replace factory dash and trim,

Full ‘cage,

Corbeau GTA low back buckets

Full Simpson harness system

Fire suppression system

Full AutoMeter gauges

Need more inspiration? Head on over to www.problemchildkustoms.com !

Why Hot Rodding is So Damn Important Right NOW

In an age of absolute uncertainty (be it financial, moral or otherwise...take your pick), there are few things that seem to stand the test of time, and afford that feeling of general stability in one's life. I'm not talking so much about job security, or the familiar smile of your favorite teller at the neighborhood bank so much as I am the feeling you get when you talk to someone genuine... Anyone who miraculously slices through the presumptuous bullshit and makes you think a bit.

I know, I know... "but Brian, I NEED the media to tell me what my opinion is on things, and I'm too much of a pussy (yes, I said it: "PUSSY") to express any original thought around my liberal, communist, Stepford-like, golf-afficianado douchebag neighbors for fear of being branded a radical and not being invited along to play Bunko!" If this is your line of thinking, well, you might want to head on off and try on a new pair of plaid shorts. The logic here may get too heavy for you and make your carbon footprint too wide.

For the real people, let's talk about hot rods. "What do hot rods have to do with stability in an uncertain time?" you ask...

Glad you threw that out there.

Simply put, when times get tough, what's the first thing anyone looks at? The negative. And in an age of general stupidity and inability for most folks to construct an original thought for themselves, we have to seek out creativity in almost any fashion, and hold onto it, and push that bastard hard and fast... It's a straightforward concept that I'm throwing out here... And unless you've been raised on network news, awards shows, or sat at the "popular table" and never outgrew your high school days, you should be able to keep up fairly well here. When we start contemplating the negative, it's all that we have to build on, and the logical product of that is, naturally, more negativity. When it's all doom and gloom, any glimmer of hope starts to look better than what's been fed to you, and if you're so conditioned to just take what's handed out, well naturally it all looks good, right? So you accept more of the same agenda as some new concept, and while away the days drinking the Kool Aid and hoping you'll adapt. Not my speed at all.

Maybe that's why I dig hot rods so much.

You see, in the beginning, hot rods were a means of expression, a unique art form that celebrated inventive thought, a positive goal of improved looks and performance (... something we can all use, according to my TV, anyway), and genuine good times. At its heart, it's all never changed, really... Cars are cool, and hot rods even cooler... No matter what the manufacturers threw at us, as hot rodders, we've always managed to make something cool from it. The spirit to alter what's out there, to personalize it, to make it our own. As a general rule, creating something bitchin' from something mundane brings about a kick-ass reaction, and doubly-so from the non-initiated.

What's so scary in this day and age is how the uninitiated ("non hot rodders") are pushing to make this form of expression, along with anything else that resembles free thought or expression for that matter, a thing of the past. Whether we're being blamed for the environment (after all, those glasspacks on your '36 Ford cause the air over China to turn black, right?), told that we're throublemakers, or whatever... Consider that in a half century of hot rodding, our creativity and forward thinking have led to HUGE technological leaps... Simple backyard engineering has led to efficient engines, better aerodynamics, incredible styling, safety features... And yet, they spoon-feed you some hybrid turd that requires strip-mining, international trade treaties that take jobs from our country, and pad special interest group wallets, further separating the have's and have-nots (hey, that's you and me!).

At a more grass-roots level, ponder that you're told only a part of the story by your beloved media, and each day you give up more and more freedom to express your automotive visions... and beyond cars, well... you can only imagine.

The point here?

More than ever, simply sitting on your ass and letting someone make a decision for you, or simple going along with the opinion of some less-informed douchebag with an agenda will strip you of any creative outlet... Imagine having a total stranger step in and build your project as they see fit... Fantastic if they have the vision and experience (like Foose or Brizio...), but what a bummer if it's someone you've never heard of, and who can't back up any claims of their ability... Yet, look around you, and you can see it happening already. Personally, I'm not willing to lay back and see a fairgrounds full of green Priuses passing as a hot rod show, and if you are, well, enjoy the shit out of the boring, constricted future you helped to make, hippy. I'll be hanging out on the fringe, right where you've pushed guys like me for years... And our familiarity with this region will continue to be our greatest strength.

All things considered, with the chips down, and the prospect of being dealt yet another loaded hand, celebrating hot rodding at its very essence is more important than ever. We're the guys who push styling, safety, engineering and technology to that ragged edge where it hangs on, eyes bugging out, screaming for us to back off... And if we let them take that, well....